Just Another Post

My husband is on 24 hour CQ duty...again. Our relationship has really taken a turn for the better! We have been   spending a lot of great family time together and really enjoying every moment. I think a lot of our problems stem from me staying in my head all the time, thinking about things too hard and trying to find the bad in things. It's hard to stop myself sometimes because I am so scared that I will be blind sided if I don't keep my walls up. That's no way to live, and it definitely wasn't helping my relationship live that's for sure. Sometimes I hate being female, cursed with emotions that I let run rampant. Over thinking every little tone, movement, or conversation...I'm trying my best everyday to be a better me, not only for myself but for the people around me as well. I hope that our relationship continues to strengthen and grow for as long as it can! On another note my little girl is 3 months away from being one year old! It blows my mind! I am already planning her party and picking out her cake and the outfit she is going to wear lol. I think this party is more for me than for her ha ha. I have really gotten into makeup and hair recently. I am always thinking about new things I can do/learn and I'm really thinking about maybe going to school for it! Well I have been thinking about it, but now I am really considering it lol. I guess we will see in the near future what I plan on doing. Sorry for the boring post, there will be better ones to come! I have been busy, busy, busy!! Take care!

Interesting Websites! Thanks To The One And Only EV-E : )

www.Stumbleupon.com

An interesting website that lets you view all the things you want from the internet and MORE!

SuperSprayer

A man with a lot of talent!

Tall Painting

Amazing

 A photo from Natonal Geographics "Chicago Lights"

Backwards, Sideways, and Around~

Spinning out of control! Constant weight loss schemes and beauty rituals are trying to take over my life! I have always been very critical of myself, but that part of me had faded a long time ago...or so I thought! I feel this constant pressure to be as thin as possible and sickeningly gorgeous all day, every day and I don't know why. My head keeps telling my heart that I will be nothing in life unless I am beautiful and thin, it's almost a constant thought. I know that this statement isn't true! I had an eating disorder in high school and sometimes it tries to rear its ugly head, but I just ignore it. I know that these feelings are just temporary weakness but its still disturbing and disappointing that I still have these thoughts...On a different note: My little girl is growing up so fast! I think about it everyday, one day she won't be my squishy, cuddly infant anymore! She will be replaced with a hormonal, angry, self-hating (hopefully not), rebellious teenager... I'm trying to make sure that I do what I need to so that she is well-adjusted and respectful, but what's frustrating is I won't know if I raised her right until she gets to that age and beyond. So these years leading up to those days are going to feel like parental limbo! My brain is constantly going back and forth with these thoughts. All day I'm obsessing about weight and beauty, worried about raising my daughter right, and worrying if my relationship is exactly that, a relationship, or if I'm just naive and  stupid. Okay so now that I got that out I can go about my day purged and free of negative thoughts. My daughter is a blessing! She is my everything and without her I would be lost! She saves me from myself and makes everything around me beautiful! I love you baby girl <3

A Few Simple Words...

Art by Yoshitaka Amano

...Can make all the difference, it's true. Personally, there are so many fears that are constantly orbiting around my relationship with my husband that it makes it so I can't just enjoy the time I get with him. I'm scared that he will leave me again for anyone he meets that makes him feel good. I'm scared of  the potential lack of commitment from him because he refuses to say the few little words that I need from him..."I want to be with you for as long as you will have me, I am yours." Or something like that...I talk to many of my girlfriends and they say the same thing, that if their significant other would just pour out their heart ONE TIME and tell them that they shouldn't be scared, that they love them and that they are theirs, then 98% of these women would have the best sleep of their lives that night. I look at other husbands who are constantly talking about how much they love their wives/family and that they have never been so happy, it makes me look at my husband who never expresses his love for me or his daughter in public. In fact, sometimes it seems like he would rather not have us with him in public. I'm sure that some of this may be a bit dramatic, but what if it isn't? What if he is just buying his time until he finds his "one" and leaves me? I don't understand why I allow myself to live in this and why I still don't want to let go. I guess time will only tell and one day I may get those few simple words...who knows?

Following the Wrong Person's Path

Just because there is someone in the same situation as you, who is handling it badly does not mean that you have to fall as well. Whenever this person bitches and complains you follow shortly after, but before you were totally fine before they started. It's like you can't feel unless you are copying someone else's feelings. You even start talking like them and doing the same facial expressions...but are a totally different person when no one is around! If you are happy or sad, hurt, angry, or scared...EXPRESS IT! Don't wait for someone else to start then you follow...It's so irritating! UGH! FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! *deep breathes* That's all...

Follow me?

du et?

Works of Yoshitaka Amano. One of my favorite artists

 7 panel

sandman

the behemoth

tristan

These were all created by Mr. Yoshitaka Amano. He did all of the art for the final fantasy's, he is an amazing artist and very creative man!